29 May 2014

Reddit Condiment Exchange

The Condiment Bible is participating in the redditgifts Condiments 2014 exchange!

redditgifts organizes "Secret Santa" style exchanges with various themes between Redditors.  Once you sign up for an exchange, you're matched with a giftee (who provides some basic info about their condiment likes and dislikes) and a gift-giver.  You send your giftee some bottles of awesome...and hope your gift-giver is not a Vegemite-lover from down under!

TCB started with a New Jersey motif for our gift and went with the FunniBonz Original BBQ sauce, which has a great flavor and phenomenal thickness.  We also included another Jersey bottle of Hank Sauce Camouflage Hot Sauce, which was the best condiment we discovered last summer (review coming soon).  This vinegar-based hot sauce has a mellow heat and a fresh, admirable cilantro flavor.

Finally, since our giftee enjoys "Asian style sauces," we threw in a bottle of Bone Suckin' Yaki, the teriyaki/balsamic hybrid that holds a special place in our condiment hearts.

Once TCB receives our gift, we'll be sure to post.

30 October 2013

Condiment Bible Featured On The Saucy Dipper

Check out The Condiment Bible's insight into the world of sauces, currently featured at the Saucy Dipper.

We wax eloquent about onion dip (Axelrod, of course), the origins of The Condiment Bible and the worst condiment ever!

23 October 2013

Huy Fong Sriracha CEO Gives Zero F*cks

Huy Fong sriracha is awesome.  I'm not breaking new ground here...if you dig condiments and/or hot sauces, you know and eat worship Rooster Sauce.

David Tran is the CEO and spearhead of Huy Fong Foods, and according to Quartz, he gives zero fucks about anything except his beloved sriracha.

Example 1: Huy Fong has no advertising.  Zero.  No Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram...hell, even their website looks like something Tran's grandkid put together for an extra credit project.

Example 2: Since 1980, Mr. Tran has never, not even once, raised the wholesale price of sriracha.  Math isn't exactly my strong suit, but I'm 110% certain that had I purchased 1,000 bottles in 1980, my life would be very different.

Example 3: He has no idea where Huy Fong sriracha is sold.  Additionally, he only recently learned that the sauce is popular with sushi chefs.  It's evident that THE MAN HAS NEVER EATEN A SPICY TUNA ROLL.

Example 4: He refuses to compromise; Huy Fong's growth is limited by the amount of fresh chilies they can harvest.  Mr. Tran refuses to make the switch from fresh to dried and is discriminating in the selection of growing plots.
"People who come here are never interested in the product, only in the profits,” he laments.
Please don't mistake my witticisms for disdain. 

I firmly believe that David Tran is a man of principle and integrity...hell, we're talking about a guy who created Rooster Sauce because he couldn't find a hot sauce he enjoyed...and his unorthodox business practices only add to the Rooster Sauce mythos.

Image by Amit DaveReuters

07 October 2013

Heinz Ketchup Facts

Thrillist (the circadian email of all things "guy") posted an impressive docket of little known facts about the ketchup brand we love to love.  

While some of the listicle's facts are mainstream knowledge (if you're part of the 89% of Americans who don't know about the "57" bottle trick, please move along), there were a few gems with which TCB was seriously impressed.

We're not sure how we missed list item #4, the "counterfeit ketchup-ers rebottle OG Heinz as premium Simply Heinz and bottles explode due to fermentation" story...it's in our own NJ backyard, fer Chrissakes...but miss it we did.

Also, #7's link to Malcolm Gladwell's New Yorker article on how Heinz cornered the ketchup market by fine-tuning ingredients to stimulate all five flavor sensors was fascinating.

Image: Dog Days of Summer, by designwallah

01 August 2013

Beautifully Weird Cholula Hot Sauce Art

Cholula is a great hot sauce. As TCB has mentioned before, Cholula packs a lot of flavor, but with a low heat content (~1000 Scoville units) that only compliments and never overwhelms.

While browsing the interwebs for pictures of Cholula - because that's what we do - we came across these interesting pieces of Cholula art.  Maybe they're renditions of a lonely condiment lover's nightly dreamscape...or maybe they're ad designs from some weird marketing company in Singapore.  Either way, they're awesome!

Here we have Cholula serving as a wooden-topped bottle bridge to safety for some errant sheep. Don't feel bad for the two ewes BAAAA'ing their way to their deaths...you don't want to know how they got out there in the first place 

In this piece, a bottle of Original preserves the lives of a flock of chickens lost at sea. Coincidentally, Cholula is delicious on chicken.

Here's where things get dark.  Aliens have invaded, and they want our meats. Cholula does its best to shield our delicious animal friends from certain evisceration at the hands of our galactic enemies (saving them for certain evisceration at the hands of our friendly neighborhood butchers).

08 May 2013

Mustard: Great Value Southwest Spicy

Look at this bottle of mustard. Would you just look at it? It screams, "MEDIOCRITY" and is recognizable as Walmart standard-issue, with the generic blue and white "Great Value" logo.

Absolutely nothing about Great Value's Southwest Spicy Mustard's packaging suggests that it's THE BEST CONDIMENT WE'VE TRIED IN AGES. Seriously, no foolsies; this unexceptionally-packaged mustard is insanely good!

Great pull by fellow saucier "ironman." 

FLAVOR - Sweet opening, followed by a mild tang & a burst of southwest flavor (notes of cumin and turmeric) with a mild-to-moderate heat finish
CONSISTENCY - Thick & slightly gloppy; small but noticeable chunks of pepper
APPEARANCE - Reddish yellow, with large red/green pepper bits
SMELL - Vinegar tang with an earthy mustard undertone & a bit of "southwest"
AVAILABILITY - Readily available, Walmart (also, see note below for branded version)

Water, Sugar, Vinegar, Mustard Seed, Salt, Dehydrated Red And Green Bell Peppers, Natural Flavor, Paprika, Turmeric

Please, please, please...don't underestimate the awesomeness of this mustard. I've been noticing and ignoring this bottle in the Walmart condiment aisle for a while. Huge mistake! It's excellent, it costs $2 and after less than 24-hours of taste testing, I can comfortably predict that it will be a staple on my fridge door.  

It's an agreeable hybrid between a regular mustard, a honey mustard (definitely some sweetness in there) and a specialty mustard (the southwest flavor). So far, I've only tried it on a sandwich (sliced chicken, Jarlsberg, Arnold potato bread)...and thrown back a few straight shots...but I'm looking forward to trying it on hot dogs, brats and burgers.

Note:  Great Value is a Walmart house brand, thus it's products are not produced by Walmart. Southwest Spicy Mustard is actually produced by Koops' Mustards...it can also be purchased as Koops' Arizona Heat.

Koops' is a division of Olds Products, the self-appointed "recognized leader in store brand mustards." On their Private Label page, we noticed that their mustards are available in a variety of packaging formats:

That's right, tankers. Of mustard. Awesome.

29 February 2012

God Bless the Internet (and Mary's Gourmet)!!!

Every once in a while, the internet does me a solid.  Mostly in the form of amusing cat pictures.  But not this time...this time, it was Thomas Bishop of Pools & Spas A Go-Go from out Michigan way.

Thomas had a magic treasure chest full of Mary's Gourmet Foods Original BBQ Sauce for sale.  Also known as "Porkrubbers Original Competition Sauce," it's one of my all time favorites...and has been discontinued since '08.

Prior to Thomas' email, I was saving one bottle of this stuff for a special occasion.  Now I have enough to take a bath in.  Pics to follow.

Note: my passion for obscure foodstuffs is not limited to condiments.  Any sources for Royal Crown Draft Cola, Cherry Certs or Bull's Eye Raging Buffalo BBQ Sauce, please get at me via the contact page.

05 October 2011

WANTED: Yankee Stadium Ketchup Hooligan

Have you seen this man?  

He was spotted abusing an innocent ketchup dispenser at Yankee Stadium prior to the ALDS Game 1 rainout on Friday, September 30th.

The Condiment Bible is considering him armed (see picture foreground) and dangerous.

20 December 2010

BBQ Sauce: Sweet Baby Ray's Honey Chipotle

As promised, I'm finally going to finish up the Sweet Baby Ray's Monday spotlight.  I've already reviewed these SBR flavors:
Our reviews will continue for three more weeks, finishing up with the secret Sweet Baby Ray's sauce.  Today's flavor is Honey Chipotle, one of the newer additions to the Ray family.

FLAVOR - Sweet honey and deep smoky chipotle, with a peppery, medium heat finish
CONSISTENCY - Thick and gooey
APPEARANCE -  Typical BBQ sauce reddish-brown, visible black flecks when spread thin
SMELL - Similar to Original (sweet smoke with a mild vinegar bite, hint of chipotle)
AVAILABILITY - Readily available

INGREDIENTS - HFCS, vinegar, tomato paste, honey, chipotle pepper sauce (red jalapeno peppers, vinegar, sugar, salt, onions), modified food starch, worcestershire concentrate (vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, water, salt, caramel, garlic powder, sugar, spices, tamarind, natural flavor), pineapple juice concentrate, spice, natural smoke flavor, caramel, sodium benzoate, red bell pepper, natural flavor, garlic

While the consistency, appearance and smell of the SBR sauces have been very similar across the board, flavor is where each sauce really stands out.  The Honey Chipotle makes good use of the now-ubiquitous smoked jalapeno taste.

I find this sauce to be the spiciest of the lot (even more so than Sweet 'n Spicy).  I really like to use it on Latin American cuisine (especially great on anything Mexican) as well as meatloaf.

16 December 2010

A People's History of Condiments, Part III

The Condiment Bible covered Part I and Part II of Tom Nealon's condiment history series a while back.  In Part III, Mr. Nealon provides us with a comprehensive diagram entertaining the age old question: What is a condiment?

While TCB doesn't necessarily agree with his entire classification, we wholeheartedly support any project that employs John Venn's life work.

Note:  This is the third post of a series, so stay tuned.