Reddit Condiment Exchange

The Condiment Bible is participating in the redditgifts Condiments 2014 exchange!

redditgifts organizes "Secret Santa" style exchanges with various themes between Redditors.  Once you sign up for an exchange, you're matched with a giftee (who provides some basic info about their condiment likes and dislikes) and a gift-giver.  You send your giftee some bottles of awesome...and hope your gift-giver is not a Vegemite-lover from down under!

TCB started with a New Jersey motif for our gift and went with the FunniBonz Original BBQ sauce, which has a great flavor and phenomenal thickness.  We also included another Jersey bottle of Hank Sauce Camouflage Hot Sauce, which was the best condiment we discovered last summer (review coming soon).  This vinegar-based hot sauce has a mellow heat and a fresh, admirable cilantro flavor.

Finally, since our giftee enjoys "Asian style sauces," we threw in a bottle of Bone Suckin' Yaki, the teriyaki/balsamic hybrid that holds a special place in our condiment hearts.

Once TCB receives our gift, we'll be sure to post.

Condiment Bible Featured On The Saucy Dipper

Check out The Condiment Bible's insight into the world of sauces, currently featured at the Saucy Dipper.

We wax eloquent about onion dip (Axelrod, of course), the origins of The Condiment Bible and the worst condiment ever!

Huy Fong Sriracha CEO Gives Zero F*cks

Huy Fong sriracha is awesome.  I'm not breaking new ground here...if you dig condiments and/or hot sauces, you know and eat worship Rooster Sauce.

David Tran is the CEO and spearhead of Huy Fong Foods, and according to Quartz, he gives zero fucks about anything except his beloved sriracha.

Example 1: Huy Fong has no advertising.  Zero.  No Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram...hell, even their website looks like something Tran's grandkid put together for an extra credit project.

Example 2: Since 1980, Mr. Tran has never, not even once, raised the wholesale price of sriracha.  Math isn't exactly my strong suit, but I'm 110% certain that had I purchased 1,000 bottles in 1980, my life would be very different.

Example 3: He has no idea where Huy Fong sriracha is sold.  Additionally, he only recently learned that the sauce is popular with sushi chefs.  It's evident that THE MAN HAS NEVER EATEN A SPICY TUNA ROLL.

Example 4: He refuses to compromise; Huy Fong's growth is limited by the amount of fresh chilies they can harvest.  Mr. Tran refuses to make the switch from fresh to dried and is discriminating in the selection of growing plots.

"People who come here are never interested in the product, only in the profits,” he laments.

Please don't mistake my witticisms for disdain. 

I firmly believe that David Tran is a man of principle and integrity...hell, we're talking about a guy who created Rooster Sauce because he couldn't find a hot sauce he enjoyed...and his unorthodox business practices only add to the Rooster Sauce mythos.



Image by Amit Dave, Reuters

Heinz Ketchup Facts

Thrillist (the circadian email of all things "guy") posted an impressive docket of little known facts about the ketchup brand we love to love.  

While some of the listicle's facts are mainstream knowledge (if you're part of the 89% of Americans who don't know about the "57" bottle trick, please move along), there were a few gems with which TCB was seriously impressed.

We're not sure how we missed list item #4, the "counterfeit ketchup-ers rebottle OG Heinz as premium Simply Heinz and bottles explode due to fermentation" story...it's in our own NJ backyard, fer Chrissakes...but miss it we did.

Also, #7's link to Malcolm Gladwell's New Yorker article on how Heinz cornered the ketchup market by fine-tuning ingredients to stimulate all five flavor sensors was fascinating.



Image: Dog Days of Summer, by designwallah

Beautifully Weird Cholula Hot Sauce Art

Cholula is a great hot sauce. As TCB has mentioned before, Cholula packs a lot of flavor, but with a low heat content (~1000 Scoville units) that only compliments and never overwhelms.

While browsing the interwebs for pictures of Cholula - because that's what we do - we came across these interesting pieces of Cholula art.  Maybe they're renditions of a lonely condiment lover's nightly dreamscape...or maybe they're ad designs from some weird marketing company in Singapore.  Either way, they're awesome!

Here we have Cholula serving as a wooden-topped bottle bridge to safety for some errant sheep. Don't feel bad for the two ewes BAAAA'ing their way to their deaths...you don't want to know how they got out there in the first place 

In this piece, a bottle of Original preserves the lives of a flock of chickens lost at sea. Coincidentally, Cholula is delicious on chicken.

Here's where things get dark.  Aliens have invaded, and they want our meats. Cholula does its best to shield our delicious animal friends from certain evisceration at the hands of our galactic enemies (saving them for certain evisceration at the hands of our friendly neighborhood butchers).

Mustard: Great Value Southwest Spicy

Look at this bottle of mustard. Would you just look at it? It screams, "MEDIOCRITY" and is recognizable as Walmart standard-issue, with the generic blue and white "Great Value" logo.

Absolutely nothing about Great Value's Southwest Spicy Mustard's packaging suggests that it's THE BEST CONDIMENT WE'VE TRIED IN AGES. Seriously, no foolsies; this unexceptionally-packaged mustard is insanely good!

Great pull by fellow saucier "ironman." 

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FLAVOR - Sweet opening, followed by a mild tang & a burst of southwest flavor (notes of cumin and turmeric) with a mild-to-moderate heat finish
CONSISTENCY - Thick & slightly gloppy; small but noticeable chunks of pepper
APPEARANCE - Reddish yellow, with large red/green pepper bits

SMELL - Vinegar tang with an earthy mustard undertone & a bit of "southwest"

AVAILABILITY - Readily available, Walmart (also, see note below for branded version)

INGREDIENTS - Water, Sugar, Vinegar, Mustard Seed, Salt, Dehydrated Red And Green Bell Peppers, Natural Flavor, Paprika, Turmeric

---

Please, please, please...don't underestimate the awesomeness of this mustard. I've been noticing and ignoring this bottle in the Walmart condiment aisle for a while. Huge mistake! It's excellent, it costs $2 and after less than 24-hours of taste testing, I can comfortably predict that it will be a staple on my fridge door.  

It's an agreeable hybrid between a regular mustard, a honey mustard (definitely some sweetness in there) and a specialty mustard (the southwest flavor). So far, I've only tried it on a sandwich (sliced chicken, Jarlsberg, Arnold potato bread)...and thrown back a few straight shots...but I'm looking forward to trying it on hot dogs, brats and burgers.

Note:  Great Value is a Walmart house brand, thus it's products are not produced by Walmart. Southwest Spicy Mustard is actually produced by Koops' Mustards...it can also be purchased as Koops' Arizona Heat.

Koops' is a division of Olds Products, the self-appointed "recognized leader in store brand mustards." On their Private Label page, we noticed that their mustards are available in a variety of packaging formats:

That's right, tankers. Of mustard. Awesome.

God Bless the Internet (and Mary's Gourmet)!!!

Every once in a while, the internet does me a solid.  Mostly in the form of amusing cat pictures.  But not this time...this time, it was Thomas Bishop of Pools & Spas A Go-Go from out Michigan way.

Thomas had a magic treasure chest full of Mary's Gourmet Foods Original BBQ Sauce for sale.  Also known as "Porkrubbers Original Competition Sauce," it's one of my all time favorites...and has been discontinued since '08.

Prior to Thomas' email, I was saving one bottle of this stuff for a special occasion.  Now I have enough to take a bath in.  Pics to follow.

Note: my passion for obscure foodstuffs is not limited to condiments.  Any sources for Royal Crown Draft Cola, Cherry Certs or Bull's Eye Raging Buffalo BBQ Sauce, please get at me via the contact page.

WANTED: Yankee Stadium Ketchup Hooligan

Have you seen this man?  

He was spotted abusing an innocent ketchup dispenser at Yankee Stadium prior to the ALDS Game 1 rainout on Friday, September 30th.

The Condiment Bible is considering him armed (see picture foreground) and dangerous.

BBQ Sauce: Sweet Baby Ray's Honey Chipotle

As promised, I'm finally going to finish up the Sweet Baby Ray's Monday spotlight.  I've already reviewed these SBR flavors:

• Hickory & Brown Sugar
• Sweet 'n Spicy
• Original

Our reviews will continue for three more weeks, finishing up with the secret Sweet Baby Ray's sauce.  Today's flavor is Honey Chipotle, one of the newer additions to the Ray family.

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FLAVOR - Sweet honey and deep smoky chipotle, with a peppery, medium heat finish
CONSISTENCY - Thick and gooey
APPEARANCE -  Typical BBQ sauce reddish-brown, visible black flecks when spread thin

SMELL - Similar to Original (sweet smoke with a mild vinegar bite, hint of chipotle)

AVAILABILITY - Readily available

INGREDIENTS - HFCS, vinegar, tomato paste, honey, chipotle pepper sauce (red jalapeno peppers, vinegar, sugar, salt, onions), modified food starch, worcestershire concentrate (vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, water, salt, caramel, garlic powder, sugar, spices, tamarind, natural flavor), pineapple juice concentrate, spice, natural smoke flavor, caramel, sodium benzoate, red bell pepper, natural flavor, garlic

---

While the consistency, appearance and smell of the SBR sauces have been very similar across the board, flavor is where each sauce really stands out.  The Honey Chipotle makes good use of the now-ubiquitous smoked jalapeno taste.

I find this sauce to be the spiciest of the lot (even more so than Sweet 'n Spicy).  I really like to use it on Latin American cuisine (especially great on anything Mexican) as well as meatloaf.

A People's History of Condiments, Part III

The Condiment Bible covered Part I and Part II of Tom Nealon's condiment history series a while back.  In Part III, Mr. Nealon provides us with a comprehensive diagram entertaining the age old question: What is a condiment?

While TCB doesn't necessarily agree with his entire classification, we wholeheartedly support any project that employs John Venn's life work.

Note:  This is the third post of a series, so stay tuned. 

Image: condiment_venn2.11, by Tom Nealon

Hot Sauce: Frank's RedHot Sweet Heat BBQ Wings Sauce

 

I eat a lot of Frank's RedHot sauce...I really do put that sh*t on everything...so it's surprising that TCB hasn't reviewed it yet.

While Frank's Original is my all-purpose, vinegar-based hot sauce, their Sweet Heat BBQ Wings Sauce caught my eye in the grocery store and turned out to be pretty freakin' good.

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FLAVOR - Smoky mix of vinegar and pepper, with a smooth medium heat finish; subtle hint of buttery sweetness.
CONSISTENCY - Slightly thicker than the average hot sauce, but still on the thin side; holds food coating well
APPEARANCE -  Carnelian red with tiny black and white flecks

SMELL - Strong vinegar scent with noticeable pepper undertones

AVAILABILITY - Readily available

INGREDIENTS -Distilled vinegar, HFCS, water, aged cayenne red peppers, tomato paste, salt, modified food starch, honey, molasses, sugar, canola oil, paprika, mustard bran, natural flavors, garlic powder, sodium benzoate (as a preservative), xanthan gum, spices, caramel color, corn syrup

---

This sauce is similar to some of the homemade concoctions I've made mixing Frank's Original with various BBQ sauces.  I really enjoy the flavor of Frank's Original and the Sweet Heat stays true to that flavor, but with a BBQ sauce spin.  It's obviously great on wings, but I also apply liberally to turkey burgers and roasted chicken.

And, We're Back...

After a two-month hiatus, The Condiment Bible is back in action!!!

After October's McRib madness, TCB hit peak daily traffic, so we did what every responsible condiment blog should do: quit posting and alienate as many potential readers as possible.  TCB: 1, interwebs: 0.

Over the past two months, we've dedicated ourselves to intense condiment research, comprehensive design overhaul and writing style improvement eating McRibs.

Seriously though, TCB is back.  And we've got things to look forward to:

• Our simple new blog design (and a pending switch to Tumblr).
• Continuation of our Sweet Baby Ray's Monday spotlight.
• More great condiment reviews. 

Image: mustard and hot dog love, by zen

Rooster Sauce Makes Moves

Huy Fong Foods, which makes the famous Rooster-labeled sriracha (reviewed by TCB), is expanding their facilities in LA County.

Inspirational quote:  "Demand for the product has increased every year for the last 30 years, said David Tran, a Vietnamese immigrant who said he founded the company when he couldn't find hot sauce he liked. 

Via The LA Times

Image by Gina Ferazzi, Los Angeles Times

The Golden Age of Condiments

We've entered The Golden Age of Condiments.  Economically speaking, of course.   

Apparently condiment sales "grew 9.4 percent from 2007 to 2009, becoming the second largest category in the specialty foods market behind the perennial stalwart, cheese."

Look out, cheese.  We're coming. 

Via: Business Week

Image: Condiments for the best hot dog ever, by katehartman

McRib Madness

The McRib is back in the national spotlight, which probably has everything to do with The Condiment Bible's recent homemade McRib recipe.

The McRib is being re-re-released on a nation-wide scale on November 2nd.  Mark your calendars.

EDIT:  Confirmed by McDonald's Twitter feed.

Also, yours truly made the front page of the Wall Street Journal yesterday (last 2 paragraphs).  Was I really dejected after leaving a McD's sans McRib?  Yes.  Was I even more dejected that I made the front page of the WSJ and they DIDN'T FREAKING PLUG THE CONDIMENT BIBLE?  YES!

A People's History of Condiments, Part II

Historic gastronome Tom Nealon has continues his comprehensive account of condiment history, focusing his attention on the chimerical fifth flavor.  The Condiment Bible reviewed Part I a few weeks back.

Note:  This is the second post of a series, so stay tuned. 

Image:  YIP Day 317, Not Quite a Squircle, by Auntie P

Marinade / Finishing Sauce: Bittersweet Herb Farms Smoked Maple Chipotle

This entry to The Condiment Bible is another hold-out from my summer working in a pool supply store.  We used to keep the Bittersweet Herb Farm sauces up near the register (where it was easier to sneak delicious nips of smoked maple chipotle goodness).  The sauces came in long, skinny Bellisma bottles (they still do, just a little shorter).

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FLAVOR - Sweet and salty, with a smoky pepper middle and a nutty spice finish
CONSISTENCY - Fairly thin, with large pieces of what must be smoked jalapeño (chipotle)

APPEARANCE - Steak sauce brown, with visible black specks and lighter chunks

SMELL - Nutty, earthy scent with a tinge of vinegar

AVAILABILITY - Available

INGREDIENTS - Tomato puree (water, tomato paste, citric acid), molasses, balsamic vinegar, soy sauce (water, wheat, soybeans, salt), water, pure maple syrup, nutritional yeast, natural hickory smoke flavor, chipotle powder, herbs & spices

---

This finishing sauce is FANTASTIC.  It has a full complexity of flavors that really satisfies the palate.  Before I read the nutrition facts, I was certain there were peanuts mixed in there (there is a distinctly pleasant nutty taste).  I also can appreciate the all natural ingredient list.

I've enjoyed the Smoked Maple Chipotle Finishing Sauce over a variety of food, but my favorite is over eggs.  I've also used it as a stir-fry sauce and a dipping sauce for grilled chicken kebabs.  The label lists a number of other pairing suggestions, as well as a baby back rib recipe.

Special thanks to Kim from Bittersweet Herb Farms for the free sample.

Recipe: How to Make Homemade McRibs

The McRib is not back [edit: yes it is!], but The Condiment Bible is sick of waiting.  We've heard all the cult stories (there aren't enough pigs in the U.S. to meet McRib demand, the McRib is part of a viral marketing "you want what you can't have" scheme, blah blah blah) and we've waded through the bullshit false alerts on the McRib Locator.  Frankly, we're sick of the hype...and today, we took matters into our own hands.

STEP 1:  Secure ingredients

• Bremer BBQ Sauce and Boneless Rib Shaped Pork Patties
• Nature's Pride Country White Deli rolls
• White onion
• Sliced dill pickle chips
• Bull's-Eye BBQ sauce
• Kraft BBQ sauce
• Light corn syrup
• Tester batch of McD's BBQ sauce

Everyone knows the heart and soul of the McRib is the pork patty, molded to look like a miniature rack of ribs.  This was the hardest ingredient to procure (we got ours at ALDI, the creepy single-brand grocery store you've probably never heard of).  We also heard through the McRib cult grapevine that JTM Food Group makes a suitable Boneless Pork Grillin' Rib.

STEP 2:  Mix BBQ Sauce

• 1/2 cup Kraft BBQ sauce
• 1/3 cup Bull's-Eye BBQ Sauce
• 1 tsp light corn syrup 

BBQ sauce is an essential component of the McRib.  We scored some tester packs of McD's BBQ sauce but determined that the McRib must use some hybrid (the taste was off from our memory).  After some Googling, we found the above recipe, which was as close as we could remember to the real deal.

Disclaimer:  This is about the only time we would ever buy Kraft BBQ sauce.

 

STEP 3:  Pork shower

The Bremer patties come soaked in some awful red goop they refer to "delicious spicy bbq sauce."  We showered this nastiness off after defrosting the whole package.

STEP 4:  Pat dry

Next, we patted the pork patties dry.  Note the molded rib shape and the pre-burned sear marks.

 

STEP 5:  Grill

We grilled the pork patties on medium-high, with a 600° initial sear (those are our grill marks, not the fake ones seen in Step 4).  They took about 3-4 minutes to heat through.

 

STEP 6:  Assembly

We chose the closest bun we could find to match the real thing, but there was still a half-inch overhang on each end of the patty.  Our pickles were a farm fresh dills (sliced thin) and we used the traditional white onion, sliced length-wise. 

We used Google images and the above diagram for assembly reference.

STEP 7:  Enjoy the deliciousness

Our homemade McRibs weren't perfect, but TCB believes they were the closest approximation of the McRib possible.  McDonald's, we thank you for forcing our hand to create this awesome McRib recipe. 

First image:  McRib is back, baby.  McRib is back, by permanently scatterbrained

Have you ever seen a Chinese ketchup?

Mad Money's Jim Cramer is bullish on Heinz and wants to know, "Have you ever seen a Chinese ketchup?"

Come to think of it Mr. Cramer, no we have not. 

Via Seeking Alpha

Image: 01-01-2007, by rhiannonstone

Mustard Fingerprint

Sweet mustard fingerprint, beb. 

Via: Walyou

Image: Left Ring Finger, by Kevin Van Aelst